Book Review – Thoughtless by S.C. Stephens

Thoughtless
I found it!!! I founnnnnnd it!! Another one that had me clutching my heart like Travis did. Heh. Some of you guys are trying to kill me… and I loved every sleepless moment of it. What a completely absorbing rock star recommendation you had for me, this time.

It usually takes me a day or two to come down from a book, so I can review it properly. But this one has me all twisted inside, and I need to deal with it now. And you know what? There’s a part TWO!! Guess what I’ll be reading all weekend? The only way to do that, without guilt, is to get this one off my chest now. There’s a lump in my throat, and it’s been there for three days straight. It kinda hurts.

Lily:  Good Morning
Maryse: Lily, I’m going to die of sleep exhaustion. Errr? I mean sleep deprivation.
Lily:  lol
Maryse:  3 freaking AM cause of another book that is KILLING me!! For real. I am tired. To death.
Lily:  These books are killing  you but it seems to be a happy death and you are glutton for punishment

This book, has probably been the worst of ’em in terms of sleepless nights. Or maybe they’re all just catching up with me. “Indie” book after “indie” book of pure angst, emotion, anticipation and edge of your seat drama. I’ve gone from going to sleep by midnight every night (a few months ago), to 3am almost every night now. And I have to get up in the morning for work. It’s funny how I work through my days in a zombie-like exhaustion, thinking tonight, there is no way I can continue to read this book – I need sleep. Then, I pick it up for just a half hour or so and before I know it, it’s 2am and I’m wide awake and in an emotional book frenzy again.

Yesterday morning, my husband so eloquently mentioned that I looked “frazzled”. I told him: “It’s ’cause I’m in the worse part of the book and I barely slept, and I still had to go to work, and because of that I can’t read and solve their problems for them!” My little outburst, had my index finger adamantly (yet aimlessly) pointing at… nothing. Invisible “them”? He raised an eyebrow at me.

Tee hee!! Somehow, in my sleep deprived world, I quit making sense. But *if* I could’ve solved something, it would have been by grabbing poor sweet gorgeous, bad-boy (yet vulnerable), rock star Kellan away from “Kiera” and smacking her. Maybe even put her in the corner for a time-out. She sure needed it, at that point in the book. And it only got worse (and so darn good) from there.

Where to start with this book? I would venture to say it’s close (in angst) to the “Travis/Beautiful Disaster” mess that I’ve been so intently searching for. I could *almost* say I like them both equally (I think Travis is still *it* for me, though. Ummm. Maybe. I heart Kellan. I mean Travis. *sigh* See what I mean?). They both took me on an emotional roller coaster with no safety harness! I had no idea if, who’s heart would make it out alive in the end (even mine was in question). And when I say it’s a mess, I mean it.

Quick synopsis: Kiera and her boyfriend Denny (he’s gorgeous and good-natured) move across the country for his internship at a prestigious company. To go with him, she is required to transfer to a new college, and find funding for school, but would do anything to follow him anywhere.

“Of course I miss my family, miss them terribly. But you are worth it, you’re worth anything.” My fingers stroked his cheek. “I love you. I want to be where you are.”

And luckily, everything manages to fall into place. They will even be “rooming” with his best friend, Kellan (you guessed it, the “bad-boy rock star”).

He stopped my breath.

“Wow,” I stated when my breathing started back up. “He’s… amazing.”

After weeks of Kiera and Denny living in bliss together…

I sighed and snuggled in bed with him later, happy, and loving my life here, finding enormous contentment in the fact that nothing about it would be changing again, for at least the next two years. It was nearly two weeks later, on a Friday evening at work, when something unexpectedly did change…

… Denny is asked by the company to go to another state for a few months, to work on an important project. It’s the chance of lifetime, but the news breaks Kiera’s heart. He reminds her, it’s only two months. They can get through this.

So there she is, living so far away from her family, in a brand new school, trying to find a job, roommates with a stranger.  Kellan (the stranger) helps keep her company (oh it’s innocent… at first. Well maybe a bit too cuddly for her boyfriend’s comfort…), but he comforts her when she cries…

The concern in his eyes and the unexpected tender touch set me right off, and the tears started streaming. Without hesitation, he pulled me to him in a tight embrace. He lightly rubbed my back and rested his cheek on my head. It was very comforting but I sobbed anyway, while the people around us stared. He ignored the stared and questioning looks (he did have a reputation after all) and held me until my tears stopped, all without comment or complaint.

… takes her to college orientation, let’s her hang with him and his friends, etc… As the two strangers become friends, Denny’s “I miss you” calls become infrequent.

From three times a day, to once a day, to missing days, to not returning her calls as quickly, to cutting their once sweet and long conversations, short.

The next afternoon, Denny finally called me after a two day absence. I felt like I hadn’t talked to him, really talked to him in forever. I ached to actually see him, hold him. The conversation was brief, he seemed distracted – like the call was an obligation, and not something he really wanted to be doing.

And then… to not calling her for almost 4 days. There’s a reason for avoiding her. He’s going to be dropping a bigger bombshell. One that devastates her. And the only one there to pick up her pieces is Kellen.

WOW, right!? Oh yes. WOW. WOW WOW WOW!!

Lily:  I have never seen you this tied up over a book for real you are knotted up and twisty
Maryse:  yah
Lily:  you were not this bad with Travis and you LOVED him
Maryse:  still do
Maryse:  but… *this one* is AMAZING OMG
Lily: You are so squeeing
Maryse:  oh yes

and then… OMG noooooooooooooo!

*sob*

A few of the characters behave badly (albeit unwittingly) so badly at times, that you’ll find yourself terribly conflicted. You’ll essentially be enjoying an all-around, bad situation.  They almost don’t deserve anything but the heartache they cause for themselves, but at the same time, you find yourself hoping that the pain will lift, and that it will all work out in the end… even if you sorta/sometimes/mostly dislike one of ’em (*ahem* Kiera).

Okay so let’s talk about her. A young college student who’s mostly sweet and likeable, in love, yet easily lonely, and can’t really cope with that feeling. Not a bad-bone in her body. But, situations arise and her selfish, self-centered, possessive, unfair side comes out. And yet she can be so darn human that at times, you… *feel* for her. Because she’s in love. While she’s not purposely trying to hurt anyone (she reasons that she doesn’t want to break anyone’s heart, so she just keeps “some issues” secret), she ends up resolving her own heartache issues by *ugh* I can’t even talk about it (’cause it’s painful, and ’cause it’s spoiler-ish)!

I called her a few bad words. One was really bad. Ask Lily. No don’t.

I was uncomfortable feeling for her. I sometimes hated feeling *like* her. Feeling her pent-up frustration, her confusion, the intensity of her love, her pain, because at times, it made me connect to her and I found myself sometimes making excuses for her behavior. After all, the catalyst to this downward spiral was her loneliness and growing insecurities, given life, by her “too busy to call” boyfriend, that she moved across the country for. See. I just did it again! I made an excuse for some of that inexcusable behavior. *sigh*

And that is how much this book affects your frame of mind. But, you’ll understand why she falls so hard for those she does. The betrayal (by a few of the characters) feels almost unforgivable. Lust, love, insecurities,  dishonesty and hard-learned lessons composes the foundation of this romance novel. This author doesn’t hold back the punches. And you’ll be in for a lot of *sigh-inducing* love, and heartache, because again, as in many of my favorite “indie” novels, the progression is slow, yet tight. Incredibly detailed, incredibly emotional, incredibly long, but SO worth it. Some of the most INTENSE passion scenes (even just the *almost* kissing ones). Love, game playing, and heartache. I felt it all. Especially those emotional gut-punches. Ugh. They hurt, and there are many of ’em.

Here’s one that killed me (you’ll see why when you read it…):

“You don’t owe me an explanation…” he looked at the floor, “and you definitely don’t owe me an apology,” he looked back up at me, “so just… don’t say anything please.”

Guilt and sympathy for him washed through me, and I held my arms open for him. “Come here.” He hesitated a moment, a torn look on his face, then he slipped his arms around my waist and buried his head in my neck. I held him tight and rubbed his back. “I’m sorry,” I whispered in his ear. He may not want to hear it, but I needed to say it.

He exhaled softly and nodded in my shoulder, clutching me tighter.

Read it and weep!! I’m off to book #2 (Effortless). Or… maybe I should just get some sleep first? Nahhhhh!! 😉